SOME time in July, Harris received an affectionate and encouraging letter
from Llanddowror. It seems that Mr. Jones, after reconsidering the matter,
was inclined to urge him to seek Orders at the first opportunity, which
he did. We have a glimpse of the history of these interesting days in a
long letter which he sent in reply to Griffith Jones's letter.
Trevecka, July 31, 1736.
"I should not have deny'd myself ye Pleasure of answering yours sooner,
but that I have been continually employ'd in our Master's service ever
since I rec'd yours, so intent that I could not spare so much time. I
am yet ye more busy being apprehensive if ye Omnipotent does not miraculously
stand for His weak Instrument, as my steps are more narrowly inspected
to, ye little Liberty I have will be taken from me. I have been so powerfully
set upon of late on all sides that Prudence could not decide what steps
to take. But still, fear of man could not prevail against ye powerful
chains of Love. Gratitude to my Saviour, ye effect of whose Intercession
I daily feel, made me still look, ye same way, tho' I was put to consider
and stand sometimes, that all Christ's servants that know me have occasion
hitherto to turn their Prayers for me to Praises, and I hope God will
never leave me so that I shall make any of those to grieve whom once I
have been ye occasion of Joy unto. Tho' opposition and Crosses look us
rough in ye face, yet when they are gone I find we are thereby drawn a
step nearer to Christ, and we must consequently rejoyce....
I have, according to your advice, gone about to see what Interest I had
with ye Clergy here, and I found 'em all exceeding Kind. Five grave Responsible
Ministers sign'd my Testimonial freely and a sixth--an old wealthy rich
Gentleman--was pleas'd to recommend me to ye Bishop, being not able to
certify for 3 years. A neighbouring Justice of ye Peace likewise stood
my Friend and help'd to a real Title, all which unexpected Favours did
raise my Hope to a high Pitch that God stood my Friend and that nothing
could stand before me. But that my Patience might be excercised, after
all these fair Promises I found his Lordship, when I waited upon him with
my Papers, so prejudicing preposses'd against me that as soon as he saw
my Name in ye Top of my Testimonial he had not Patience to see who sign'd
it, but with an offended Look gave me a severe check for what I had done
and strict orders for ye future to betake myself to my studies, to obey
my Superiors. And as he had such a Set of very good Clergy there was no
need of such Proceedings, that I must entirely desist. He was so far from
asking me my Reasons that he gave me no room to offer 'em.
Is free disinterested zeal for Christ's Glory so Hideous a Mark that we
must watch against such at ye Door ere they come in?... But since they
like ye earth so well let 'em take it, if they give me leave to drudge,
they should receive ye Honour and Worldly Profits.... Shall I neglect
doing present Good to follow private studies? I know not how short my
Time is, and Zeal--that Heavenly Gift--is a fire sooner put out by negligence
than by Opposition. Did the World seriously consider ye wonderful Reformation
so generally wrought, especially in Young Persons, even those that only
study ye present Benefit of Mankind would countenance such a Work. Those
that are conversant in Scripture must own there must be a finger of God
in it, and therefore not to be obstructed. But since I had things so well
drawn up, and notwithstanding met such Testament, I utterly despair of
ever having publick Authority to serve Mankind from this Bishop. And if
I had it in our Church it should be so limited within Meshes of Parishes,
etc., that it is contrary to ye Spirit I am acted by. My Desires are general,
without any Limits. I rather admire those that tolerate me to sow seed
in all Places you see ground apt to receive. I think I have already done
as much, if not more good--if I had been permitted to water 'em that are
converted--than I could from ye Pulpit in an age in one Parish. Nor have
I yet any Qualification for publick service, my Gift being all Zeal attended
with a Wonderfull success to ye familiar Discourses I have.
There are some very good Christians to consult with in common Cases, but
few that have any uncommon Desires, their Reasons savouring something
to me of the mire are, to suspend my zeal, etc., which stuck close to
me too for some time after I was reprimanded by his Lordship, whose pretended
objection was nonage. Yet, as there is a Prejudice in his Breast that
seems to me to be irreconcilable to such Practices with his Reasons for
'em, and such a steady Resolution in me to go on notwithstanding all,
it made me fall to ye safest side, to suspect myself. Then, flesh and
Blood waiting ye opportunity strongly came in with these Reasons, viz.,
Shall I think myself wiser or better than all these my opponents, and
how did I hereafter propose to live,--that my proceeding was contrary
to Law and so sinful; and being so taken up with Divinity that I could
not spare time enough for studying ye Learned Languages to prepare myself
for Orders, and that my present Conduct was entirely new, having no precedent,
being not authoriz'd by Law, even as tho' I had dissented from ye Establish'd
Church. With these Reasons--which were not very slight ones--was I carry'd
to hesitate whether I should proceed or not; and upon this Cowardly Submission
to Flesh and Blood I found my zeal had left me. I could not speak to ye
People with greater effect than any other Person.
That was attended with such Fear and Confusion that I fell to ye Throne
of Grace with some guilt and some confidence as to having not hearken'd
so much to carnal Reason as to ye Divine Command of obeying Superiors.
And such did I find my Longings for that zeal I once had that I resign'd
ye World and begg'd that Spirit whose Joys I had formerly tasted, for
my Portion, whose Dictates I was resolv'd to follow for ye Future, wishing
I was capable of serving Jesus Christ effectually. But such as I was I
begg'd God to take me to His service, looking on myself no farther at
my own disposal, and this was done in a stream of Tears and a Heavenly
Frame. I was ye more earnest for ye Renovation of these sweet Blessings
I privately so often enjoyed in my addresses to Heaven, having accidentally
met some old Christians that once had tasted those Joys but were now deserted.
I then resolv'd to go on and so went privately as before to Visit my Friends
and to aim at enlarging ye Borders. Presently I found a Return to my Petition
as well in meeting an extraordinary success even where I did least expect,
and ye restoring of my sinking spirits to their former Frame. Then I could
answer all ye objections that seem'd before so unanswerable, viz, that
what I am doing is not what I ever contriv'd.... I would not neglect ye
benefit of one Soul, much less so than to read all ye Books in ye Universe.
If I am to go farther to ye Field, I believe I shall have Farther Assistance.
Ye zeal of some Young Persons in these Parts would make any one run ye
risque to carry on such a Work.
Thus I have endeavour'd particularly to state my Case with ye several
Combats of Flesh and spirit, and you being ye only Person whose Council
I am resolv'd to follow, I hope you'll seriously Digest ye several Particulars
as it is a Case of our Master's and not mine--for I only being an Instrument
meet to be made use of. When you have ye freest communion with God, then
pray think of me, that I might not want Prudence to act, and courage to
fight; and ye more Ghostly your advice will be ye better, for I am not
for dallying with Earthly Toys while Heaven is so full in my view. If
some run ye hazard of their Lives for Honour, Pleasure and Worldly Gain,
to ye shame of Christians be it spoken, if Christ has no servants in this
Lukewarm age that shall be ready to Sacrifice themselves in His cause.
0! how can we look to Him with one eye and to filthy Lucre with ye other?
O! that my Portion was in this World to be quite spent in His service,
and let ye World call me an Enthusiast, etc. Thro' His Merits I know I
shall one day have an occasion to rejoice with ye rest of His servants....
I blush to see my Tediousness and uncorrectness. I always write what comes
up sincerely, being resolv'd to have nothing to do with Criticks.... I
just now rec'd in my Brother's ye good effect of your Friend's Intercession;
he is mitigated, but as he is a stranger to zeal, so I can expect no encouragement
from such as lay too great a Stress on Moral Duties... . Mr. Jones of
Cwmyoe desir'd to be remember'd to you, and desir'd to know if you had
any Intentions to see this Country soon."
On the back of one of his letters to his brother, Harris wrote an account
of his experience after the Lord had restored his soul after the captivity
referred to above. We set before the reader a few sentences as an example
of what he wrote: "Oh! Send me where Thou wilt; I obey. I am Thine;
manage me as Thou wilt. Lo! Here is a hand ready to write, a tongue to speak,
legs to carry me--speak but ye Word. Oh! This Thy own free gift--as if embracing
Him, loving, longing, admiring, praising, melting sick for Love. How can
I bear having such sensible Proofs of the Intercession, etc. Oh! Jesus,
to hear Thee reproached and say nothing. Let me have ye guidance of Thy
Spirit; let me not go till Thou commandest, nor fear; when I am call'd make
me to go; rule me, guide me and assist me.... Whatever Thou dost, take not
these signs of Thy love away, else I shall be ye most miserable... I'll
leave all to follow Thee. Oh! I fear to lose this my only chance. I find
others have and complain. Oh! Have pity on Jehosophat Jones. Oh! Remember
Thy mercies of old, restore him....Oh! Keep all those converted by me, Thy
instrument, from receding. Pity--as one who has done much for me--now not
with self-ends but as a Sister. Pity Mother and my Brethren. Oh! Let me
have this Honour of doing something to show my gratefulness. Oh! Let me
be setting forth Thy Praise continually to men, Tears in streams, Joys unconceivable,
to gain which for one hour it is worth ye Labour of one thousand years....
N.B. I had not these when I desisted from ye work for God. Rejoicing I am
young that I may do much good, for on account of doing good I am willing
to stay here, but otherwise years are tedious. Depend always on God in all
things, for He gives me such an extraordinary stream of words on all occasions
with ye unconverted, with ye converted, with ye ignorant and ye wise, with
all opinions--and can't God when I appear before ye great Personages. Oh!
What a gift had I with my neighbours tonight, so that ye most could bear
reading and praying and singing for two hours, and ye rest for four hours."
He spent more than a half of the month of August in Carmarthenshire again.
He was in Abergwili at the time of the ordination with what object we do
not know. He stayed mostly in Laugharne and Llanddowror. Many times during
the years to come he refers to something which happened during this journey.
It is probable that he did not fully understand its importance at the time.
Until now he was continually in full assurance of the heavenly favour, and
was never troubled with doubts and anxiety with regard to his own personal
condition, whatever might be true of his activities as an exhorter. In vain
the devil had tried to shift him from his stronghold through the persecution
of enemies and the opposition of his relatives. But now, through the instrumentality
of religious brethren whom he highly regarded, the enemy had some measure
of success in bringing his experience down to the level of that which was
common in religious people at that time. An elderly gentleman, named Mr.
Dalton,' lived at Llanelly, a member of Griffith Jones's congregation. It
seems that he was a good man, a leader in the religious life of his locality,
and in Christ before Howell Harris had been born. But he could not understand
and had no sympathy with the young awakener's strange animation and spirit,
and now he took it upon himself to advise him, and to lead him to a more
reasonable outlook and a more regular course. He succeeded only too well;
at least, he sowed seeds which bore fruit in time, as may be gathered from
the following extracts from the later Diaries. "Now, through associating
with the world, I lost much of the simplicity and sweet communion with God
which I had when I was despised by all men. By-learning from them to make
use of human wisdom, and through Mr. Dalton's warning me to be wary--that
Satan could disguise himself as an angel of light the thought entered my
mind that I had been deceived, and thus I began to fear the work of the
Spirit on me. And because I was not under a healthy ministry, and would
not be led by the Spirit, I fell back into working for life. Thus, though
I still went forwards, religion began to become a burden to me, and a slavish
fear began to trouble me, after I had been made as brass in the face of
all my enemies for nearly two years, before I lost my simplicity. I fell
under the power of unbelief; I opposed faith as being presumptuous, and
I embraced unbelief as humility... . Carnal reason all but ruined me. I
lost my assurance by listening to Mr. Dalton who called it fanaticism, the
work of the devil. I lost my first love--when I could not let anybody alone
without telling him of his wretchedness, and when there was such power among
us, that I was often on my feet all night for three nights in succession,
and unable to desist. He advised me not to be so zealous; that God never
asks such a thing of us. I soon yielded, not knowing that it was flesh and
blood that loved that doctrine until the Lord left me. And when I asked
Him why, He showed me it was because I had taken counsel with flesh and
blood--that He had called me to toil day and night, to be a witness against
all those who are idle in the vineyard. I lost my testimony by listening
to those who called it spiritual pride, and in consequence I was in bondage
for three years."
It is difficult not to be surprised that Harris should accept advice which
savoured so much "of the mire," as he says. But it is probable
that Griffith Jones agreed to some extent with Mr. Dalton's advice, and
that he would have been glad, after Harris's application for Orders had
been refused, to find an easy way to prevent him from itinerating. To that
end they persuaded him that his present mode of living was not honourable;
that he ought to do something to earn his living; and urged him to set up
a school at Trevecka. "My submitting to Mr. Griffith Jones cost me
three years of uncertainty through giving up my own opinion for that of
someone else. If I had followed his advice and not gone about, probably
thousands of people who now seek the Saviour would be yet in their sins."
According to some accounts, the golden period of his life came to an end
about this time. Doubtless he had equally exalted experiences after this
(and especially on his way home on this occasion), but they did not last
long. Likewise the same awful power often accompanied his ministry, but
neither the exalted experiences nor the power were present with the same
regularity as formerly. After coming within sight of the Promised Land,
as it were, he turned back to the wilderness for years. From now on he spent
much of his time in fighting his fears, and the corruption of his own heart;
and the struggle was very hard until he learnt once again (in the words
of William Williams of Pantycelyn) "to hand over all his battles to
Him Who is glorious in power."
It is clear that these friends from Carmarthenshire only partly succeeded
in their purpose. Although Harris's zeal cooled somewhat and he was tied
to a worldly calling, he did not give up the work of exhorting as far as
he could. If Heaven permitted him to lose much of his personal comfort,
it took good care that he did not lose as much, if any, of his usefulness.
Indeed it is likely that his present loss was nothing but Heaven's way of
preparing him for the fulness that was to come. At the appointed time the
slave was exalted from the prison-house to be a prince, eminently fitted
to serve the Lord's people in their difficulties. Soon after this the societies
began to be founded. Here was new work for him, and he had been prepared
for it in a remarkable way. His early experiences had made him unique, but
now he was made like unto his brethren. And as confused emotions had seethed
within him night and day, he had become well versed in all the phases of
the spiritual pilgrimage, and able to sympathise with, and to guide and
to succour the pilgrims. As Williams of Pantycelyn sang in his Elegy to
him:
Come and hear him now describing
Man's foul heart--so prone to sin;
Tracing every inward turning
Full of error, found within,
And disclosing many secrets
To the righteous on the way,
While enliv'ning death's cold region
With the glorious Gospel ray.
Come and hear him now expounding
Heaven's free redeeming grace;
Loudly praising the Redeemer
Of our poor apostate race:
Lo! He causes many a pilgrim,
Sore oppressed with fear and grief,
To depart in joyous freedom
From the bonds of unbelief.
He supports the arms that languish,
And gives courage to the faint;
He sustains them with his doctrine,
Heeding to their souls' complaint:
Glowing words, profound and earnest,
Temper'd in the flame's caress;
Light to lead the weary pilgrim
Safely through the wilderness.
Though the experience of the golden period was so splendid, he had need,
it seems, of further and different experiences to render him capable of
fulfilling such a ministry, and to turn a Boanerges into a Barnabas. At
times he himself saw a new meaning in it all. Up to now he had been a babe
at the breast, a child on his Heavenly Father's lap, extremely happy himself,
it is true, but at the same time of remarkably little use to his Father
or anybody else. The grievous vicissitudes he now went through were but
a necessary training, teaching him how to walk and giving him understanding.
His friendship with the Nonconformists lasted throughout these months. He
says that his love was now free and illimitable towards them and everybody
else, and whenever he refers to the history of this period he says that
he testified publicly throughout these months against the prejudice that
existed in the Established Church towards Nonconformity. After attending
the Communion service in Talgarth on the last Sunday in September, he says:
"I prayed again, crying for him (Joseph), the vicar, all that are to
communicate and that all may be meet partakers. Praying for above half an
hour in ye Pew, I had such enlargements that I resolved to speak to ye Bishop
to ask leave to feed Christ's Church, and if he should object on account
of Languages etc. I would bring arguments enough to withstand, and that
I should dissent." |