| I therefore proceed to give an account of the manner of persons being
wrought upon; and here there is a vast variety, perhaps as manifold as the
subjects of the operation; but yet in many things there is a great analogy
in all. Persons are first awakened with a sense of their miserable condition
by nature, the danger they are in of perishing eternally, and that it is
of great importance to them that they speedily escape and get into a better
state. Those who before were secure and senseless, are made sensible how
much they were in the way to ruin, in their former courses. Some are more
suddenly seized with convictions - it may be, by the news of others' conversion,
or some thing they hear in public, or in private conference - their consciences
are smitten, as if their hearts were pierced through with a dart. Others
are awakened more gradually, they begin at first to be something more thoughtful
and considerate, so as to come to a conclusion in their minds, that it is
their best and wisest way to delay no longer, but to improve the present
opportunity. They have accordingly set themselves seriously to meditate
on those things that have the most awakening tendency, on purpose to obtain
convictions; and so their awakenings have increased, till a sense of their
misery, by God's Holy Spirit setting in therewith, has had fast hold of
them. Others who before had been somewhat religious, and concerned for their
salvation, have been awakened in a new manner; and made sensible that their
slack and dull way of seeking, was never like to attain that purpose.
These awakenings when they have first seized on persons, have had two effects;
one was, that they have brought them immediately to quit their sinful practices;
and the looser sort have been brought to forsake and dread their former
vices and extravagances. When once the Spirit of God began to be so wonderfully
poured out in a general way through the town, people had soon done with
their old quarrels, backbitings, and intermeddling with other men's matters.
The tavern was soon left empty, and persons kept very much at home; none
went abroad unless on necessary business, or on some religious account,
and every day seemed in many respects like a Sabbath-day. The other effect
was, that it put them on earnest application to the means of salvation,
reading, prayer, meditation, the ordinances of God's house, and private
conference; their cry was, What shall we do to be saved? The place of resort
was now altered, it was no longer the tavern, but the minister's house that
was thronged far more than ever the tavern had been wont to be.
There is a very great variety, as to the degree of fear and trouble that
persons are exercised with, before they attain any comfortable evidences
of pardon and acceptance with God. Some are from the beginning carried on
with abundantly more encouragement and hope than others. Some have had ten
times less trouble of mind than others, in whom yet the issue seems to be
the same. Some have had such a sense of the displeasure of God, and the
great danger they were in of damnation, that they could not sleep at nights;
and many have said that when they have laid down, the thoughts of sleeping
in such a condition have been frightful to them; they have scarcely been
free from terror while asleep, and they have awakened with fear, heaviness,
and distress still abiding on their spirits. It has been very common, that
the deep and fixed concern on persons minds, has had a painful influence
on their bodies, and given disturbance to animal nature. The awful apprehensions
persons have had of their misery, have for the most part been increasing,
the nearer they have approached to deliverance; though they often pass through
many changes and alterations in the frame and circumstances of their minds.
Sometimes they think themselves wholly senseless, and fear that the Spirit
of God has left them, and that they are given up to judicial hardness; yet
they appear very deeply exercised about that fear, and are in great earnest
to obtain convictions again.
Together with those fears, and that exercise of mind which is rational,
and which they have just ground for, they have often suffered many needless
distresses of thought, in which Satan probably has a great hand, to entangle
them, and block up their way. Sometimes the distemper of melancholy has
been evidently mixed; of which, when it happens, the tempter seems to take
great advantage, and puts an unhappy bar in the way of any good effect.
One knows not how to deal with such persons; they turn every thing that
is said to them the wrong way, and most to their own disadvantage. There
is nothing that the devil seems to make so great a handle of, as a melancholy
humour; unless it be the real corruption of the heart.
But it is very remarkable, that there has been far less of this mixture
at this time of extraordinary blessing, than there was wont to be in persons
under awakenings at other times; for it is evident that many who before
had been exceedingly involved is such difficulties, seemed now strangely
to be set at liberty. Some persons who had before, for a long time, been
exceedingly entangled with peculiar temptations of one sort or other, unprofitable
and hurtful distresses, were soon helped over former stumbling-blocks, that
hindered their progress towards saving good; convictions have wrought more
kindly, and they have been successfully carried on in the way to life. And
thus Satan seemed to be restrained, till towards the latter end of this
wonderful time, when God's Holy Spirit was about to withdraw.
Many times persons under great awakenings were concerned, because they thought
they were not awakened, but miserable, hard-hearted, senseless, sottish
creatures still, and sleeping upon the brink of hell. The sense of the need
they have to be awakened, and of their comparative hardness, grows upon
them with their awakenings; so that they seem to themselves to be very senseless,
when indeed most sensible. There have been some instances of persons who
have had as great a sense of their danger and misery as their natures could
well subsist under, so that a little more would probably have destroyed
them; and yet they have expressed themselves much amazed at their own insensibility
and sottishness at such an extraordinary time.
Persons are sometimes brought to the borders of despair, and it looks as
black as midnight to them a little before the day dawns in their souls.
Some few instances there have been, of persons who have had such a sense
of God's wrath for sin, that they have been overborne; and made to cry out
under an astonishing sense of their guilt, wondering that God suffers such
guilty wretches to live upon earth, and that he doth not immediately send
them to hell. Sometimes their guilt doth so stare them in the face, that
they are in exceeding terror for fear that God will instantly do it; but
more commonly their distresses under legal awakenings have not been to such
a degree. In some, these terrors do not seem to be so sharp, when near comfort,
as before; their convictions have not seemed to work so much that way, but
to be led further down into their own hearts, to a further sense of their
own universal depravity and deadness in sin.
The corruption of the heart has discovered itself in various exercises,
in the time of legal convictions; sometimes it appears in a great struggle,
like something roused by an enemy, and Satan, the old inhabitant, seems
to exert himself, like a serpent disturbed and enraged. Many in such circumstances,
have felt a great spirit of envy towards the godly, especially towards those
who are thought to have been lately converted, and most of all towards acquaintances
and companions, when they are thought to be converted. Indeed, some have
felt many heart-risings against God, and murmurings at His way of dealing
with mankind, and His dealings with themselves in particular. It has been
much insisted on, both in public and private, that persons should have the
utmost dread of such envious thoughts; which if allowed tend exceedingly
to quench the Spirit of God, if not to provoke Him finally to forsake them.
And when such a spirit has much prevailed, and persons have not so earnestly
strove against it as they ought to have done, it has seemed to be exceedingly
to the hindrance of the good of their souls. But in some other instances,
where persons have been much terrified at the sight of such wickedness in
their hearts, God has brought good to them out of evil; and made it a means
of convincing them of their own desperate sinfulness, and bringing them
off from all self-confidence.
The drift of the Spirit of God in His legal strivings with persons, has
seemed most evidently to be, to bring to a conviction of their absolute
dependence on His sovereign power and grace, and an universal necessity
of a mediator. This has been effected by leading them more and more to a
sense of their exceeding wickedness and guiltiness in His sight; their pollution,
and the insufficiency of their own righteousness; that they can in no wise
help themselves, and that God would be wholly just and righteous in rejecting
them and all that they do, and in casting them off for ever. There is however
a vast variety as to the manner and distinctness of such convictions.
As they are gradually more and more convinced of the corruption and wickedness
of their hearts, they seem to themselves to grow worse and worse, harder
and blinder, and more desperately wicked, instead of growing better. They
are ready to be discouraged by it, and oftentimes never think themselves
so far off from good as when they are nearest. Under the sense which the
Spirit of God gives them of their sinfulness, they often think that they
differ from all others; their hearts are ready to sink with the thought
that they are the worst of all, and that none ever obtained mercy who were
so wicked as they.
When awakenings first begin, their consciences are commonly most exercised
about their outward vicious course, or other acts of sin; but afterwards
are much more burdened with a sense of heart-sins, the dreadful corruption
of their nature, their enmity against God, the pride of their hearts, their
unbelief, their rejection of Christ, the stubbornness and obstinacy of their
wills; and the like. In many, God makes much use of their own experience,
in the course of their awakenings and endeavours after saving good, to convince
them of their own vile emptiness and universal depravity.
Very often, under first awakenings, when they are brought to reflect on
the sin of their past lives, and have something of a terrifying sense of
God's anger, they set themselves to walk more strictly, and confess their
sins, and perform many religious duties, with a secret hope of appeasing
God's anger, and making up for the sins they have committed. And oftentimes,
at first setting out, their affections are so moved, that they are full
of tears, in their confessions and prayers; which they are ready to make
very much of, as though they were some atonement, and had power to move
correspondent affections in God too. Hence they are for a while big with
expectation of what God will do for them; and conceive they grow better
apace, and shall soon be thoroughly converted. But these affections are
but short-lived; they quickly find that they fail, and then they think themselves
to be grown worse again. They do not find such a prospect of being soon
converted, as they thought: instead of being nearer, they seem to be farther
off; their hearts they think are grown harder, and by this means their fears
of perishing greatly increase. But though they are disappointed, they renew
their attempts again and again; and still as their attempts are multiplied,
so are their disappointments. All fails, they see no token of having inclined
God's heart to them, they do not see that He hears their prayers at all,
as they expected He would; and sometimes there have been great temptations
arising hence to leave off seeking, and to yield up the case. But as they
are still more terrified with fears of perishing, and their former hopes
of prevailing on God to be merciful to them in a great measure fail, sometimes
their religious affections have turned into heart risings against God, because
He will not pity them, and seems to have little regard to their distress,
and piteous cries, and to all the pains they take. They think of the mercy
God has shown to others; how soon and how easily others have obtained comfort,
and those too who were worse than they, and have not laboured so much as
they have done; and sometimes they have had even dreadful blasphemous thoughts,
in these circumstances.
But when they reflect on these wicked workings of heart against God - if
their convictions are continued, and the Spirit of God is not provoked utterly
to forsake them - they have more distressing apprehensions of the anger
of God towards those whose hearts work after such a sinful manner about
Him; and it may be, have great fears that they have committed the unpardonable
sin, or that God will surely never show mercy to them who are such vipers;
and are often tempted to leave off in despair. But then perhaps by something
they read or hear of the infinite mercy of God, and all-sufficiency of Christ
for the chief of sinners, they have some encouragement and hope renewed;
but think that as yet they are not fit to come to Christ; they are so wicked
that Christ will never accept them. And then it may be they set themselves
upon a new course of fruitless endeavours, in their own strength, to make
themselves better, and still meet with new disappointments. They are earnest
to inquire what they shall do. They do not know but there is something else
to be done, in order to their obtaining converting grace, that they have
never done yet. It may be they hope that they are something better than
they were; but then the pleasing dream all vanishes again. If they are told
that they trust too much to their own strength and righteousness, they cannot
unlearn this practice all at once, and find not yet the appearance of any
good, but all looks as dark as midnight to them. Thus they wander about
from mountain to hill, seeking rest, and finding none. When they are beat
out of one refuge, they fly to another; till they are as it were debilitated,
broken, and subdued with legal humblings; in which God gives them a conviction
of their own utter helplessness and insufficiency, and discovers the true
remedy in a clearer knowledge of Christ and His gospel.
When they begin to seek salvation, they are commonly profoundly ignorant
of themselves; they are not sensible how blind they are; and how little
they can do towards bringing themselves to see spiritual things aright,
and towards putting forth gracious exercises in their own souls. They are
not sensible how remote they are from love to God, and other holy dispositions,
and how dead they are in sin. When they see unexpected pollution in their
own hearts, they go about to wash away their own defilements, and make themselves
clean; and they weary themselves in vain, till God shows them that it is
in vain, and that their help is not where they have sought it.
But some persons continue wandering in such a kind of labyrinth, ten times
as long as others, before their own experience will convince them of their
insufficiency; and so it appears not to be their own experience only, but
the convincing influence of God's Holy Spirit with their experience, that
attains the effect. God has of late abundantly shown that He does not need
to wait to have men convinced by long and often repeated fruitless trials;
for in multitudes of instances He has made a shorter work of it. He has
so awakened and convinced persons' consciences, and made them so sensible
of their exceeding great vileness, and given them such a sense of His wrath
against sin, as has quickly overcome all their vain self-confidence, and
borne them down into the dust before a holy and righteous God.
There have been some who have not had great terrors, but have had a very
quick work. Some of those who have not had so deep a conviction of these
things before their conversion, have much more of it afterwards. God has
appeared far from limiting Himself to any certain method in His proceedings
with sinners under legal convictions. In some instances, it seems easy for
our reasoning powers to discern the methods of divine wisdom, in His dealings
with the soul under awakenings; in others, His footsteps cannot be traced,
and His ways are past finding out. Some who are less distinctly wrought
upon, in what is preparatory to grace, appear no less eminent in gracious
experiences afterwards.
There is in nothing a greater difference, in different persons, than with
respect to the time of their being under trouble; some but a few days, and
others for months or years. There were many in this town, who had been,
before this effusion of the Spirit upon us, for years, and some for many
years, concerned about their salvation. Though probably they were not thoroughly
awakened, yet they were concerned to such a degree as to be very uneasy,
so as to live an uncomfortable disquieted life. They continued in a way
of taking considerable pains about their salvation; but had never obtained
any comfortable evidence of a good state. Several such persons, in this
extraordinary time, have received light; but many of them were some of the
last. They first saw multitudes of others rejoicing, with songs of deliverance
in their mouths, who before had seemed wholly careless and at ease, and
in pursuit of vanity; while they had been bowed down with solicitude about
their souls. Yea, some had lived licentiously, and so continued till a little
before they were converted; and yet soon grew up to a holy rejoicing in
the infinite blessings God had bestowed upon them.
Whatever minister has a like occasion to deal with souls, in a flock under
such circumstances, as this was in the last year, I cannot but think he
will soon find himself under a necessity, greatly to insist upon it with
them, that God is under no manner of obligation to show mercy to any natural
man, whose heart is not turned to God: and that a man can challenge nothing
either in absolute justice, or by free promise, from any thing he does before
he has believed on Jesus Christ, or has true repentance begun in him. It
appears to me, that if I had taught those who came to me under trouble,
any other doctrine, I should have taken a most direct course utterly to
undo them. I should have directly crossed what was plainly the drift of
the Spirit of God in His influences upon them; for if they had believed
what I said, it would either have promoted self-flattery and carelessness,
and so put an end to their awakenings; or cherished and established their
contention and strife with God, concerning His dealings with them and others,
and blocked up their way to that humiliation before the Sovereign Disposer
of life and death, whereby God is wont to prepare them for His consolations.
And yet those who have been under awakenings have oftentimes plainly stood
in need of being encouraged, by being told of the infinite and all-sufficient
mercy of God in Christ; and that it is God's manner to succeed diligence,
and to bless His own means, that so awakenings and encouragements, fear
and hope, may be duly mixed and proportioned to preserve their minds in
a just medium between the two extremes of self-flattery and despondence,
both which tend to slackness and negligence, and in the end to security.
I think I have found that no discourses have been more remarkably blessed,
than those in which the doctrine of God's absolute sovereignty with regard
to the salvation of sinners, and His just liberty with regard to answering
the prayers, or succeeding the pains, of natural men, continuing such, have
been insisted on. I never found so much immediate saving fruit, in any measure,
of any discourses I have offered to my congregation, as some from these
words, Rom. iii. 19. "That every mouth may be stopped;" endeavouring
to show from thence that it would be just with God for ever to reject and
cast off mere natural men.
As to those in whom awakenings seem to have a saving issue, commonly the
first thing that appears after their legal troubles, is a conviction of
the justice of God in their condemnation, appearing in a sense of their
own exceeding sinfulness, and the vileness of all their performances. In
giving an account of this, they expressed themselves very variously; some,
that they saw God was sovereign, and might receive others and reject them;
some, that they were convinced God might justly bestow mercy on every person
in the town, in the world, and damn themselves to all eternity; some, that
they see God may justly have no regard to all the pains they have taken,
and all the prayers they have made; some, that if they should seek, and
take the utmost pains all their lives, God might justly cast them into hell
at last, because all their labours, prayers, and tears cannot make an atonement
for the least sin, nor merit any blessing at the hands of God. Some have
declared themselves to be in the hands of God, that He may dispose of them
just as He pleases; some, that God may glorify Himself in their damnation,
and they wonder that God has suffered them to live so long, and has not
cast them into hell long ago.
Some are brought to this conviction by a great sense of their sinfulness,
in general, that they are such vile wicked creatures in heart and life:
others have the sins of their lives in an extraordinary manner set before
them, multitudes of them coming just then fresh to their memory, and being
set before them with their aggravations. Some have their minds especially
fixed on some particular wicked practice they have indulged. Some are especially
convinced by a sight of the corruption and wickedness of their hearts. Some,
from a view they have of the horridness of some particular exercises of
corruption, which they have had in the time of their awakening, whereby
the enmity of the heart against God has been manifested. Some are convinced
especially by a sense of the sin of unbelief, the opposition of their hearts
to the way of salvation by Christ, and their obstinacy in rejecting Him
and His grace.
There is a great deal of difference as to distinctness here; some, who have
not so clear a sight of God's justice in their condemnation, yet mention
things that plainly imply it. They find a disposition to acknowledge God
to be just and righteous in His threatenings, and that they are undeserving:
and many times, though they had not so particular a sight of it at the beginning,
they have very clear discoveries of it soon afterwards, with great humblings
in the dust before God.
Commonly persons' minds immediately before this discovery of God's justice
are exceedingly restless, in a kind of struggle and tumult, and sometimes
in mere anguish; but generally, as soon as they have this conviction, it
immediately brings their minds to a calm, and unexpected quietness and composure;
and most frequently, though not always, then the pressing weight upon their
spirits is taken away, and a general hope arises, that some time or other
God will be gracious, even before any distinct and particular discoveries
of mercy. Often they then come to a conclusion within themselves, that they
will lie at God's feet, and wait His time; and they rest in that, not being
sensible that the Spirit of God has now brought them to a frame whereby
they are prepared for mercy. For it is remarkable, that persons when they
first have this sense of the justice of God, rarely, at the time, think
any thing of its being that humiliation they have often heard insisted on,
and that others experience.
In many persons, the first conviction of the justice of God in their condemnation
which they take particular notice of, and probably the first distinct conviction
of it that they have, is of such a nature, as seems to be above any thing
merely legal. Though it be after legal humblings, and much of a sense of
their own helplessness, and of the insufficiency of their own duties; yet
it does not appear to be forced by mere legal terrors and convictions, but
rather from a high exercise of grace, in saving repentance, and evangelical
humiliation. For there is in it a sort of complacency of soul in the attribute
of God's justice, as displayed in His threatenings of eternal damnation
to sinners. Sometimes at the discovery of it, they can scarcely forbear
crying out, It is just! It is just! Some express themselves, that they could
see the glory of God would shine bright in their own condemnation; and they
are ready to think that if they are damned, they could take part with God
against themselves, and would glorify His justice therein. And when it is
thus, they commonly have some evident sense of free and all-sufficient grace,
though they give no distinct account of it; but it is manifest, by that
great degree of hope and encouragement they then conceive, though they were
never so sensible of their own vileness and ill-deservings as they are at
that time.
Some, when in such circumstances, have felt that sense of the excellency
of God's justice, appearing in the vindictive exercises of it, against such
sinfulness as theirs was; and have had such a submission of mind in their
idea of this attribute, and of those exercises of it - together with an
exceeding loathing of their own unworthiness, and a kind of indignation
against themselves - that they have sometimes almost called it a willingness
to be damned; though it must be owned they had not clear and distinct ideas
of damnation, nor does any word in the Bible require such self-denial as
this. But the truth is, as some have more clearly expressed it, that salvation
has appeared too good for them, that they were worthy of nothing but condemnation,
and they could not tell how to think of salvation being bestowed upon them,
fearing it was inconsistent with the glory of God's majesty, that they had
so much contemned and affronted.
That calm of spirit that some persons have found after their legal distresses,
continues some time before any special and delightful manifestation is made
to the soul of the grace of God as revealed in the gospel. But very often
some comfortable and sweet view of a merciful God, of a sufficient Redeemer,
or of some great and joyful things of the gospel, immediately follows, or
in a very little time: and in some, the first sight of their just desert
of hell, and God's sovereignty with respect to their salvation, and a discovery
of all-sufficient grace, are so near, that they seem to go as it were together.
These gracious discoveries given, whence the first special comforts are
derived, are in many respects very various. More frequently, Christ is distinctly
made the object of the mind, in His all-sufficiency and willingness to save
sinners; but some have their thoughts more especially fixed on God, in some
of His sweet and glorious attributes manifested in the gospel, and shining
forth in the face of Christ. Some view the all-sufficiency of the mercy
and grace of God; some, chiefly the infinite power of God, and His ability
to save them, and to do all things for them; and some look most at the truth
and faithfulness of God. In some, the truth and certainty of the gospel
in general is the first joyful discovery they have; in others, the certain
truth of some particular promises; in some, the grace and sincerity of God
in His invitations, very commonly in some particular invitation in the mind,
and it now appears real to them that God does indeed invite them. Some are
struck with the glory and wonderfulness of the dying love of Christ; and
some with the sufficiency and preciousness of His blood, as offered to make
an atonement for sin; and others with the value and glory of His obedience
and righteousness. In some the excellency and loveliness of Christ, chiefly
engages their thoughts; in some His divinity, that He is indeed the Son
of the living God; and in others, the excellency of the way of salvation
by Christ, and the suitableness of it to their necessities.
Some have an apprehension of these things so given, that it seems more natural
to them to express it by sight or discovery, others think what they experience
is better expressed by the realising conviction, or a lively or feeling
sense of heart; meaning, as I suppose, no other difference but what is merely
circumstantial or gradual.
There is, often, in the mind, some particular text of Scripture, holding
forth some evangelical ground of consolation; sometimes a multitude of texts,
gracious invitations and promises flowing in one after another, filling
the soul more and more with comfort and satisfaction. Comfort is first given
to some, while reading some portion of Scripture; but in some it is attended
with no particular Scripture at all, either in reading or meditation. In
some, many divine things seem to be discovered to the soul as it were at
once; others have their minds especially fixing on some one thing at first,
and afterwards a sense is given of others; in some with a swifter, and others
a slower succession, and sometimes with interruptions of much darkness.
The way that grace seems sometimes first to appear, after legal humiliation,
is in earnest longings of soul after God and Christ: to know God, to love
Him, to be humble before Him, to have communion with Christ in His benefits;
which longings, as they express them, seem evidently to be of such a nature
as can arise from nothing but a sense of the superlative excellency of divine
things, with a spiritual taste and relish of them, and an esteem of them
as their highest happiness and best portion. Such longings as I speak of,
are commonly attended with firm resolutions to pursue this good for ever,
together with a hoping, waiting disposition. When persons have begun in
such frames, commonly other experiences and discoveries have soon followed,
which have yet more clearly manifested a change of heart.
It must needs be confessed that Christ is not always distinctly and explicitly
thought of in the first sensible act of grace (though most commonly He is),
but sometimes He is the object of the mind only implicitly. Thus sometimes
when persons have seemed evidently to be stripped of all their own righteousness,
and to have stood self-condemned as guilty of death, they have been comforted
with a joyful and satisfying view, that the mercy and grace of God is sufficient
for them - that their sins, though never so great, shall be no hindrance
to their being accepted; that there is mercy enough in God for the whole
world, and the like - when they give no account of any particular or distinct
thought of Christ. But yet, when the account they give is duly weighed,
and they are a little interrogated about it, it appears that the revelation
of mercy in the gospel is the ground of their encouragement and hope; and
that it is indeed the mercy of God through Christ that is discovered in
them, and that it is depended on in Him, and not in any wise moved by any
thing in them.
Sometimes disconsolate souls have been revived, and brought to rest in God,
by a sweet sense of His grace and faithfulness, in some special invitation
or promise; in which nevertheless there is no particular mention of Christ,
nor is it accompanied with any distinct thought of Him in their minds: but
yet, it is not received as out of Christ, but as one of the invitations
or promises made of God to poor sinners through His Son Jesus. And such
persons afterwards have had clear and distinct discoveries of Christ, accompanied
with lively and special actings of faith and love towards Him.
Frequently, when persons have first had the gospel - ground of relief discovered
to them, and have been entertaining their minds with the sweet prospect,
they have thought nothing at that time of their being converted. To see
that there is an all-sufficiency in God, and such plentiful provision made
in Christ, after they have been borne down and sunk with a sense of their
guilt and fears of wrath, exceedingly refreshes them. The view is joyful
to them; as it is in its own nature glorious, gives them quite new and delightful
ideas of God and Christ, greatly encourages them to seek conversion. This
begets in them a strong resolution to devote themselves and their whole
lives to God and His Son, and patiently to wait till God shall see fit to
make all effectual; and they very often entertain a strong persuasion that
He will in His own time do it for them.
There is wrought in them a holy repose of soul in God through Christ, with
a secret disposition to fear and love Him, and to hope for blessings from
Him in this way. Yet they have no imagination that they are now converted;
it does not so much as come in their minds: and very often the reason is,
that they do not see that they accept of this sufficiency of salvation they
behold in Christ, having entertained a wrong notion of acceptance; not being
sensible that the obedient and joyful entertainment which their hearts give
to this discovery of grace is a real acceptance of it. They know not that
the sweet complacence they feel in the mercy and complete salvation of God,
as it includes pardon and sanctification, and is held forth to them only
through Christ, is a true receiving of this mercy, or a plain evidence of
their receiving it. They expected I know not what kind of act of soul, and
perhaps they had no distinct idea of it themselves.
And indeed it appears very plainly in some of them, that before their own
conversion they had very imperfect ideas what conversion was. It is all
new and strange, and what there was no clear conception of before. It is
most evident, as they themselves acknowledge, that the expressions used
to describe conversion, and the graces of God's Holy Spirit - such as a
spiritual sight of Christ, faith in Christ, poverty of spirit, trust in
God, etc. - did not convey those distinct ideas to their minds which they
were intended to signify. Perhaps to some of them it was but little more
than the names of colours are to convey the ideas to one that is blind from
his birth.
In this town there has always been a great deal of talk about conversion
and spiritual experiences; and therefore people in general had formed a
notion in their own minds what these things were. But when they come to
be the subjects of them, they find themselves much confounded in their notions,
and overthrown in many of their former conceits. And it has been very observable,
that persons of the greatest understanding, and who had studied most about
things of this nature, have been more confounded than others. Some such
persons declare, that all their former wisdom is brought to nought, and
that they appear to have been mere babes, who knew nothing. It has appeared,
that none have stood more in need of instruction, even of their fellow-Christians,
concerning their own circumstances and difficulties, than they: and it seems
to have been with delight, that they have seen themselves thus brought down,
and become nothing; that free grace and divine power may be exalted in them.
It was very wonderful to see how persons affections were sometimes moved
- when God did as it were suddenly open their eyes, and let into their minds
a sense of the greatness of His grace, the fullness of Christ, and His readiness
to save - after having been broken with apprehensions of divine wrath, and
sunk into an abyss, under a sense of guilt which they were ready to think
was beyond the mercy of God. Their joyful surprise has caused their hearts
as it were to leap, so that they have been ready to break forth into laughter,
tears often at the same time issuing like a flood, and intermingling a loud
weeping. Sometimes they have not been able to forbear crying out with a
loud voice, expressing their great admiration. In some, even the view of
the glory of God's sovereignty, in the exercises of His grace, has surprised
the soul with such sweetness, as to produce the same effects. I remember
an instance of one, who, reading something concerning God's sovereign way
of saving sinners, as being self-moved - having no regard to men's own righteousness
as the motive of His grace, but as magnifying Himself and abasing man, or
to that purpose - felt such a sudden rapture of joy and delight in the consideration
of it: and yet then he suspected himself to be in a Christless condition,
and had been long in great distress for fear that God would not have mercy
on him.
Many continue a long time in a course of gracious exercises and experiences,
and do not think themselves to be converted, but conclude otherwise; and
none knows how long they would continue so, were they not helped by particular
instructions. There are undoubted instances of some who have lived in this
way for many years together; and these circumstances had various consequences,
with various persons, and with the same persons, at various times. Some
continue in great encouragement and hope, that they shall obtain mercy in
a steadfast resolution to persevere in seeking it, and in an humble waiting
in it before God. But very often, when the lively sense of the sufficiency
of Christ and the riches of divine grace, begins to vanish, upon a withdrawment
of divine influences, they return to greater distress than ever. For they
have now a far greater sense of the misery of a natural condition than before,
being in a new manner sensible of the reality of eternal things, the greatness
of God, His excellency, and how dreadful it is to be separated from Him,
and to be subject to His wrath; so that they are sometimes swallowed up
with darkness and amazement. Satan has a vast advantage in such cases to
ply them with various temptations, which he is not wont to neglect: in such
a case, persons very much need a guide to lead them to an understanding
of what we are taught in the word of God concerning the nature of grace,
and to help them to apply it to themselves.
I have been much blamed and censured by many, that I should make it my practice,
when I have been satisfied concerning persons' good estate, to signify it
to them. This has been greatly misrepresented abroad, as innumerable other
things concerning us, to prejudice the country against the whole affair.
But let it be noted, that what I have undertaken to judge of, has rather
been qualifications, and declared experiences, than persons. Not but that
I have thought it my duty, as a pastor, to assist and instruct persons in
applying Scripture-rules and characters to their own case (in which, I think,
many greatly need a guide); and I have, where the case appeared plain, used
freedom in signifying my hope of them to others. But I have been far from
doing this concerning all that I have had some hopes of; and I believe have
used much more caution than many have supposed. Yet I should account it
a great calamity to be deprived of the comfort of rejoicing with those of
my flock who have been in great distress, whose circumstances I have been
acquainted with, when there seems to be good evidence that those who were
dead are alive, and that those who were lost are found. I am sensible the
practice would have been safer in the hands of one of a riper judgment and
greater experience: but yet, there seemed to be an absolute necessity of
it on the forementioned accounts; and it has been found what God has most
remarkably owned and blessed amongst us, both to the persons themselves,
and to others.
Grace in many persons, through this ignorance of their state, and their
looking on themselves still as the objects of God's displeasure, has been
like the trees in winter, or like seed in the spring suppressed under a
hard clod of earth. Many in such cases have laboured to their utmost to
divert their minds from the pleasing and joyful views they have had, and
to suppress those consolations and gracious affections that arose thereupon.
And when it has once come into their minds to inquire, whether or not this
was not true grace, they have been much afraid lest they should be deceived
with common illuminations and flashes of affection, and eternally undone
with a false hope. But when they have been better instructed, and so brought
to allow of hope, this has awakened the gracious disposition of their hearts
into life and vigour as the warm beams of the sun in the spring have quickened
the seeds and productions of the earth. Grace being now at liberty, and
cherished with hope, has soon flowed out to their abundant satisfaction
and increase.
There is no one thing that I know of which God has made such a means of
promoting His work amongst us, as the news of others' conversion. This has
been owned in awakening sinners, engaging them earnestly to seek the same
blessing, and in quickening saints. Though I have thought that a minister
declaring his judgement about particular persons' experiences, might from
these things be justified; yet I often signify to my people how unable man
is to know another's heart, and how unsafe it is to depend merely on the
judgement of others. I have abundantly insisted, that a manifestation of
sincerity in fruits brought forth, is better than any manifestation they
can make of it in words alone: and that without this, all pretences to spiritual
experiences are vain. This all my congregation can witness. And the people
in general have manifested an extraordinary dread of being deceived; being
exceeding fearful lest they should build wrong. Some of them have been backward
to receive hope, even to a great extreme, which has occasioned me to dwell
longer on this part of the narrative.
Conversion is a great and glorious work of God's power, at once changing
the heart, and infusing life into the dead soul; though the grace then implanted
more gradually displays itself in some than in others. But as to fixing
on the precise time when they put forth the very first act of grace, there
is a great deal of difference in different persons; in some it seems to
be very discernible when the very time was; but others are more at a loss.
In this respect, there are very many who do not know, even when they have
it, that it is the grace of conversion, and sometimes do not think it to
be so till a long time after. Many, even when they come to entertain great
hopes that they are converted, if they remember what they experienced in
the first exercises of grace, they are at a loss whether it was any more
than a common illumination; or whether some other more clear and remarkable
experience which they had afterwards, was not the first of a saving nature.
The manner of God's work on the soul, sometimes especially, is very mysterious;
and it is with the kingdom of God as to its manifestation in the heart of
a convert, as is said, Mark iv. 26, 27, 28, "So is the kingdom of God,
as if a man should cast seed into the ground, and should sleep, and rise
night and day, and the seed should spring and grow up, he knoweth not how;
for the earth bringeth forth fruit of herself, first the blade, then the
ear, after that the full corn in the ear."
In some, converting light is like a glorious brightness suddenly shining
upon a person, and all around him: they are in a remarkable manner brought
out of darkness into marvellous light. In many others it has been like the
dawning of the day, when at first but a little light appears, and it may
be presently hid with a cloud; and then it appears again, and shines a little
brighter, and gradually increases, with intervening darkness, till at length
it breaks forth more clearly from behind the clouds. And many are, doubtless,
ready to date their conversion wrong, throwing by those lesser degrees of
light that appeared at first dawning, and calling some more remarkable experience
they had afterwards, their conversion. This often, in a great measure, arises
from a wrong understanding of what they have always been taught, that conversion
is a great change, wherein old things are done away, and all things become
new, or at least from a false inference from that doctrine.
Persons commonly at first conversion, and afterwards, have had many texts
of Scripture brought to their minds, which are exceeding suitable to their
circumstances, often come with great power, as the word of God or of Christ
indeed; and many have a multitude of sweet invitations, promises, and doxologies
flowing in one after another, bringing great light and comfort with them,
filling the soul brimful, enlarging the heart, and opening the mouth in
religion. And it seems to me necessary to suppose that there is an immediate
influence of the Spirit of God, oftentimes, in bringing texts of Scripture
to the mind. Not that I suppose it is done in a way of immediate revelation,
without any use of the memory; but yet there seems plainly to be an immediate
and extraordinary influence, in leading their thoughts to such and such
passages of Scripture, and exciting them in the memory. Indeed in some,
God seems to bring texts of Scripture to their minds no otherwise than by
leading them into such frames and meditations as harmonise with those Scriptures;
but in many persons there seems to be something more than this.
Those who, while under legal convictions, have had the greatest terrors,
have not always obtained the greatest light and comfort; nor have they always
light most suddenly communicated; but yet, I think, the time of conversion
has generally been most sensible in such persons. Oftentimes, the first
sensible change after the extremity of terrors, is a calmness, and then
the light gradually comes in; small glimpses at first, after their midnight
darkness, and a word or two of comfort, as it were softly spoken to them.
They have a little taste of the sweetness of divine grace, and the love
of a Saviour, when terror and distress of conscience begin to be turned
into an humble, meek sense of their own unworthiness before God. There is
felt, inwardly, sometimes a disposition to praise God; and after a little
while the light comes in more clearly and powerfully. But yet, I think,
more frequently, great terrors have been followed with more sudden and great
light and comfort; when the sinner seems to be as it were subdued and brought
to a calm, from a kind of tumult of mind, then God lets in an extraordinary
sense of His great mercy through a Redeemer.
Converting influences very commonly bring an extraordinary conviction of
the reality and certainty of the great things of religion; though in some
this is much greater some time after conversion, than at first. They have
that sight and taste of the divine excellency there is in the gospel, which
is more effectual to convince them than reading many volumes of arguments
without it. It seems to me, that in many instances, when the glory of Christian
truths has been set before persons, and they have at the same time as it
were seen, and tasted, and felt the divinity of them, they have been as
far from doubting their truth as they are from doubting whether there be
a sun, when their eyes are open in the midst of a clear hemisphere, and
the strong blaze of His light overcomes all objections. And yet, many of
them, if we should ask them why they believed those things to be true, would
not be able well to express or communicate a sufficient reason to satisfy
the inquirer; and perhaps would make no other answer but that they see Him
to be true. But a person might soon be satisfied, by a particular conversation
with them, that what they mean by such an answer is, that they have intuitively
beheld, and immediately felt, most illustrious and powerful evidence of
divinity in them.
Some are thus convinced of the truth of the gospel in general, and that
the Scriptures are the word of God: others have their minds more especially
fixed on some particular great doctrine of the gospel, some particular truths
that they are meditating on, or reading of, in some portion of Scripture.
Some have such convictions in a much more remarkable manner than others:
and there are some who never had such a special sense of the certainty of
divine things impressed upon them, with such inward evidence and strength,
have yet have very clear exercises of grace; i.e. of love to God, repentance,
and holiness. And if they be more particularly examined, they appear plainly
to have an inward firm persuasion of the reality of divine things, such
as they did not use to have before their conversion. And those who have
the most clear discoveries of divine truth in the manner that has been mentioned,
cannot have this always in view. When the sense and relish of the divine
excellency of these things fades, on a withdrawment of the Spirit of God,
they have not the medium of the conviction of their truth at command. In
a dull frame, they cannot recall the idea and inward sense they had, perfectly
to mind; things appear very dim to what they did before. And though there
still remains an habitual strong persuasion; yet not so as to exclude temptations
to unbelief, and all possibility of doubting. But then, at particular times,
by God's help, the same sense of things revives again, like fire that lay
hid in ashes. I suppose the grounds of such a conviction of the truth of
divine things to be just and rational; but yet, in some, God makes use of
their own reason much more sensibly than in others. Oftentimes persons have
(so far as could be judged) received the first saving conviction from reasoning
which they have heard from the pulpit; and often in the course of reasoning
they are led into in their own meditations.
The arguments are the same that they have heard hundreds of times; but the
force of the arguments, and their conviction by them, is altogether new;
they come with a new and before unexperienced power. Before, they heard
it was so, and they allowed it to be so; but now they see it to be so indeed.
Things now look exceeding plain to them, and they wonder they did not see
them before.
They are so greatly taken with their new discovery, and things appear so
plain and so rational to them, that they are often at first ready to think
they can convince others; and are apt to engage in talk with every one they
meet with, almost to this end; and when they are disappointed, are ready
to wonder that their reasonings seem to make no more impression.
Many fall under such a mistake as to be ready to doubt of their good estate,
because there was so much use made of their own reason in the convictions
they have received; they are afraid that they have no illumination above
the natural force of their own faculties: and many make that an objection
against the spirituality of their convictions, that it is so easy to see
things as they now see them. They have often heard, that conversion is a
work of mighty power, manifesting to the soul what neither man nor angel
can give such a conviction of; but it seems to them that these things are
so plain and easy, and rational, that any body can see them. If they are
asked, why they never saw thus before, they say, it seems to them it was
because they never thought of it. But very often these difficulties are
soon removed by those of another nature; for when God withdraws, they find
themselves as it were blind again, they for the present lose their realizing
sense of those things that looked so plain to them, and, by all they can
do, they cannot recover it, till God renews the influence of His Spirit.
Persons after their conversion often speak of religious things as seeming
new to them; that preaching is a new thing; that it seems to them they never
heard preaching before; that the Bible is a new book: they find there new
chapters, new psalms, new histories, because they see them in a new light.
Here was a remarkable instance of an aged woman, of about seventy years,
who had spent most of her days under Mr. Stoddard's powerful ministry. Reading
in the New Testament concerning Christ's sufferings for sinners, she seemed
to be astonished at what she read, as what was real and very wonderful,
but quite new to her. At first, before she had time to turn her thoughts,
she wondered within herself, that she had never heard of it before; but
then immediately recollected herself, and thought she had often heard of
it, and read it, but never till now saw it as real. She then cast in her
mind how wonderful this was, that the Son of God should undergo such things
for sinners, and how she had spent her time in ungratefully sinning against
so good a God, and such a Saviour; though she was a person, apparently,
of a very blameless and inoffensive life. And she was so overcome by those
considerations that her nature was ready to fail under them: those who were
about her, and knew not what was the matter, were surprised, and thought
she was dying.
Many have spoken much of their hearts being drawn out in love to God and
Christ; and of their minds being wrapt up in delightful contemplation of
the glory and wonderful grace of God, the excellency and dying love of Jesus
Christ; and of their souls going forth in longing desires after God and
Christ. Several of our young children have expressed much of this; and have
manifested a willingness to leave father and mother and all things in the
world, to go and be with Christ; some persons having had such longing desires
after Christ, or which have risen to such degree, as to take away their
natural strength. Some have been so overcome with a sense of the dying love
of Christ to such poor, wretched, and unworthy creatures, as to weaken the
body. Several persons have had so great a sense of the glory of God, and
excellency of Christ, that nature and life seemed almost to sink under it;
and in all probability, if God had showed them a little more of Himself,
it would have dissolved their frame. I have seen some, and conversed with
them in such frames, who have certainly been perfectly sober, and very remote
from any thing like enthusiastic wildness. And they have talked, when able
to speak, of the glory of God's perfections, the wonderfulness of His grace
in Christ, and their own unworthiness, in such a manner as cannot be perfectly
expressed after them. Their sense of their exceeding littleness and vileness,
and their disposition to abase themselves before God, has appeared to be
great in proportion to their light and joy.
Such persons amongst us as have been thus distinguished with the most extraordinary
discoveries, have commonly nowise appeared with the assuming, self-conceited,
and self-sufficient airs of enthusiasts, but exceedingly the contrary. They
are eminent for a spirit of meekness, modesty, self-diffidence, and a low
opinion of themselves. No persons appear so sensible of their need of instruction
and so eager to receive it, as some of them; nor so ready to think others
better than themselves. Those that have been considered as converted amongst
us, have generally manifested a longing to lie low and in the dust before
God; withal complaining of their not being able to lie low enough.
They speak much of their sense of excellency in the way of salvation by
free and sovereign grace, through the righteousness of Christ alone; and
how it is with delight that they renounce their own righteousness, and rejoice
in having no account made of it. Many have expressed themselves to this
purpose, that it would lessen the satisfaction they hope for in heaven to
have it by their own righteousness, or in any other way than as bestowed
by free grace, and for Christ's sake alone. They speak much of the inexpressibleness
of what they experience, how their words fail, so that they cannot declare
it. And particularly they speak with exceeding admiration of the superlative
excellency of that pleasure and delight which they sometimes enjoy; how
a little of it is sufficient to pay them for all the pains and trouble they
have gone through in seeking salvation; and how far it exceeds all earthly
pleasures. Some express much of the sense which these spiritual views give
them of the vanity of earthly enjoyments, how mean and worthless all these
things appear to them.
Many, while their minds have been filled with spiritual delights, have as
it were forgot their food; their bodily appetite has failed, while their
minds have been entertained with meat to eat that others knew not of. The
light and comfort which some of them enjoy, give a new relish to their common
blessings, and cause all things about them to appear as it were beautiful,
sweet, and pleasant. All things abroad, the sun, moon, and stars, the clouds
and sky, the heavens and earth, appear as it were with a divine glory and
sweetness upon them. Though this joy includes in it a delightful sense of
the safety of their own state, yet frequently, in times of their highest
spiritual entertainment, this seems not to be the chief object of their
fixed thought and meditation. The supreme attention of their minds is to
the glorious excellencies of God and Christ; and there is very often a ravishing
sense of God's love accompanying a sense of His excellency. They rejoice
in a sense of the faithfulness of God's promises, as they respect the future
eternal enjoyment of Him.
The unparalleled joy that many of them speak of, is what they find when
they are lowest in the dust, emptied most of themselves, and as it were
annihilating themselves before God; when they are nothing, and God is all;
seeing their own unworthiness, depending not at all on themselves, but alone
on Christ, and ascribing all glory to God. Then their souls are most in
the enjoyment of satisfying rest; excepting that, at such times, they apprehend
themselves to be not sufficiently self-abased; for then above all times
do they long to be lower. Some speak much of the exquisite sweetness, and
rest of soul, that is to be found in the exercise of resignation to God,
and humble submission to His will. Many express earnest longings of soul
to praise God; but at the same time complain that they cannot praise Him
as they would, and they want to have others help them in praising Him. They
want to have every one praise God, and are ready to call upon every thing
to praise Him. They express a longing desire to live to God's glory, and
to do something to His honour; but at the same time complain of their insufficiency
and barrenness; that they are poor and impotent creatures, can do nothing
of themselves, and are utterly insufficient to glorify their Creator and
Redeemer.
While God was so remarkably present amongst us by His Spirit, there was
no book so delightful as the Bible; especially the Book of Psalms, the Prophecy
of Isaiah, and the New Testament. Some, by reason of their love to God's
word, at times have been wonderfully delighted and affected at the sight
of a Bible; and then, also, there was no time so prized as the Lord's day,
and no place in this world so desired as God's house. Our converts then
remarkably appeared united in dear affection to one another, and many have
expressed much of that spirit of love which they felt toward all mankind;
and particularly to those who had been least friendly to them. Never, I
believe, was so much done in confessing injuries, and making up differences,
as the last year. Persons, after their own conversion, have commonly expressed
an exceeding great desire for the conversion of others. Some have thought
that they should be willing to die for the conversion of any soul, though
of one of the meanest of their fellow-creatures, or of their worst enemies;
and many have, indeed, been in great distress with desires and longings
for it. This work of God had also a good effect to unite the people's affections
much to their minister.
There are some persons whom I have been acquainted with, but more especially
two, that belong to other towns, who have been swallowed up exceedingly
with a sense of the awful greatness and majesty of God; and both of them
told me to this purpose, that if, at the time, they had entertained the
least fear that they were not at peace with this so great a God, they should
certainly have died.
It is worthy to be remarked, that some persons, by their conversion, seem
to be greatly helped as to their doctrinal notions of religion. It was particularly
remarkable in one, who, having been taken captive in his childhood, was
trained up m Canada in the popish religion. Some years since he returned
to this his native place, and was in a measure brought off from popery;
but seemed very awkward and dull in receiving any clear notion of the Protestant
scheme till he was converted; and then he was remarkably altered in this
respect.
There is a vast difference, as observed, in the degree, and also in the
particular manner, of persons' experiences, both at and after conversion;
some have grace working more sensibly in one way, others in another. Some
speak more fully of a conviction of the justice of God in their condemnation;
others, more of their consenting to the way of salvation by Christ; and
some, more of the actings of love to God and Christ. Some more of acts of
affiance, in a sweet and assured conviction of the truth and faithfulness
of God in His promises; others, more of their choosing and resting in God
as their whole and everlasting portion; and of their ardent and longing
desire after God, to have communion with Him; and others, more of their
abhorrence to themselves for their past sins, and earnest longings to live
to God's glory for the time to come. But it seems evidently to be the same
work, the same habitual change wrought in the heart; it all tends the same
way, and to the same end; and it is plainly the same spirit that breathes
and acts in various persons. There is an endless variety in the particular
manner and circumstances in which persons are wrought on; and an opportunity
of seeing so much will show that God is further from confining Himself to
a particular method in His work on souls than some imagine. I believe it
has occasioned some good people amongst us, who were before too ready to
make their own experience a rule to others, to be less censorious and more
extended in their charity; and this is an excellent advantage indeed. The
work of God has been glorious in its variety; it has the more displayed
the manifold and unsearchable wisdom of God, and wrought more charity among
His people.
There is a great difference among those who are converted, as to the degree
of hope and satisfaction they have concerning their own state. Some have
a high degree of satisfaction in this matter almost constantly; and yet
it is rare that any enjoy so full an assurance of their interest in Christ
that self-examination should seem needless to them; unless it be at particular
seasons, while in the actual enjoyment of some great discovery God gives
of His glory and rich grace in Christ, to the drawing forth of extraordinary
acts of grace. But the greater part, as they sometimes fall into dead frames
of spirit, are frequently exercised with scruples and fears concerning their
condition.
They generally have an awful apprehension of the dreadful nature of a false
hope; and there has been observable in most a great caution, lest in giving
an account of their experiences, they should say too much, and use too strong
terms. Many, after they have related their experiences, have been greatly
afflicted with fears, lest they have played the hypocrite, and used stronger
terms than their case would fairly allow of; and yet could not find how
they could correct themselves.
I think the main ground of the doubts and fears that persons after their
conversion have been exercised with about their own state, has been, that
they have found so much corruption remaining in their hearts. At first,
their souls seem to be all alive, their hearts are fixed, and their affections
flowing; they seem to live quite above the world, and meet with but little
difficulty in religious exercises; and they are ready to think it will always
be so. Though they are truly abased under a sense of their vileness, by
reason of former acts of sin, yet they are not then sufficiently sensible,
what corruption still remains in their hearts; and therefore are surprised
when they find that they begin to be in dull and dead frames, troubled with
wandering thoughts at the time of public and private worship, and utterly
unable to keep themselves from them. When they find themselves unaffected,
while yet there is the greatest occasion to be affected; and when they feel
worldly dispositions working in them - pride, envy, stirrings of revenge,
or some ill spirit towards some person that has injured them, as well as
other workings of indwelling sin - their hearts are almost sunk with the
disappointment; and they are ready presently to think that they are mere
hypocrites.
They are ready to argue that, if God had indeed done such great things for
them, as they hoped, such ingratitude would be inconsistent with it. They
complain of the hardness and wickedness of their hearts; and say there is
so much corruption, that it seems to them impossible there should be any
goodness there. Many of them seem to be much more sensible how corrupt their
hearts are, than before they were converted; and some have been too ready
to be impressed with fear, that instead of becoming better, they are grown
much worse, and make it an argument against the goodness of their state.
But in truth, the case seems plainly to be, that now they feel the pain
of their own wound; they have a watchful eye upon their hearts, that they
did not use to have. They take more notice of what sin is there, which is
now more burdensome to them; they strive more against it, and feel more
of its strength.
They are somewhat surprised that they should in this respect find themselves
so different from the idea they generally had entertained of godly persons.
For, though grace be indeed of a far more excellent nature than they imagined,
yet those who are godly have much less of it, and much more remaining corruption,
than they thought. They never realised it, that persons were wont to meet
with such difficulties, after they were once converted. When they are thus
exercised with doubts about their state, through the deadness of their frames,
as long as these frames last, they are commonly unable to satisfy themselves
of the truth of their grace, by all their self-examination. When they hear
of the signs of grace laid down for them to try themselves by, they are
often so clouded, that they do not know how to apply them. They hardly know
whether they have such and such things or no, and whether they have experienced
them or not. That which was the sweetest, best, and most distinguishing
in their experiences, they cannot recover a sense of. But on a return of
the influences of the Spirit of God, to revive the lively actings of grace,
the light breaks through the cloud, and doubting and darkness soon vanish
away.
Persons are often revived out of their dead and dark frames by religious
conversation: while they are talking of divine things, or ever they are
aware, their souls are carried away into holy exercises with abundant pleasure.
And oftentimes, while relating their past experiences to their Christian
brethren, they have a sense of them revived, and the same experiences are
in a degree again renewed. Sometimes, while persons are exercised in mind
with several objections against the goodness of their state, they have Scriptures
one after another coming to their minds, to answer their scruples, and unravel
their difficulties, exceedingly apposite and proper to their circumstances.
By these means, their darkness is scattered; and often, before the bestowment
of any new remarkable comfort, especially after long continued deadness
and ill frames, there are renewed humblings, in a great sense of their own
exceeding vileness and unworthiness, as before their first comforts were
bestowed.
Many in the country have entertained a mean thought of this great work,
from what they have heard of impressions made on persons' imaginations.
But there have been exceeding great misrepresentations, and innumerable
false reports, concerning that matter. It is not, that I know of, the profession
or opinion of any one person in the town, that any weight is to be laid
on any thing seen with the bodily eyes. I know the contrary to be a received
and established principle amongst us. I cannot say that there have been
no instances of persons who have been ready to give too much heed to vain
and useless imaginations; but they have been easily corrected, and I conclude
it will not be wondered at, that a congregation should need a guide in such
cases, to assist them in distinguishing wheat from chaff. But such impressions
on the imaginations as have been more usual, seem to me to be plainly no
other than what is to be expected in human nature in such circumstances,
and what is the natural result of the strong exercise of the mind, and impressions
on the heart.
I do not suppose, that they themselves imagine they saw any thing with their
bodily eyes; but only have had within them ideas strongly impressed, and
as it were lively pictures in their minds. For instance, some when in great
terrors, through fear of hell, have had lively ideas of a dreadful furnace.
Some, when their hearts have been strongly impressed, and their affections
greatly moved with a sense of the beauty and excellency of Christ, have
had their imaginations so wrought upon, that, together, with a sense of
His glorious spiritual perfections, there has arisen in the mind an idea
of One of glorious majesty, and of a sweet and gracious aspect. Some, when
they have been greatly affected with Christ's death, have at the same time
a lively idea of Christ hanging upon the cross, and His blood running from
His wounds. Surely such things will not be wondered at by them who have
observed how any strong affections about temporal matters will excite lively
ideas and pictures of different things in the mind.
The vigorous exercises of the mind, doubtless, more strongly impress it
with imaginary ideas in some than others, which probably may arise from
the difference of constitution, and seems evidently in some, partly to arise
from their peculiar circumstances. When persons have been exercised with
extreme terrors, and there is a sudden change to light and joy, the imagination
seems more susceptive of strong ideas; the inferior powers, and even the
frame of the body, are much more affected, than when the same persons have
as great spiritual light and joy afterwards; of which it might, perhaps,
be easy to give a reason. The forementioned Reverend Messrs. Lord and Owen
- who, I believe, are esteemed persons of learning and discretion where
they are best known - declared, that they found these impressions on persons'
imaginations quite different things from what fame had before represented
to them, and that they were what none need to wonder at - or to that purpose.
There have indeed been some few instances of impressions on persons imaginations,
which have been somewhat mysterious to me, and I have been at a loss about
them. For, though it has been exceeding evident to me, by many things that
appeared both then and afterwards, that they indeed had a greater sense
of the spiritual excellency of divine things accompanying them, yet I have
not been able well to satisfy myself whether their imaginary ideas have
been more than could naturally arise from their spiritual sense of things.
However, I have used the utmost caution in such cases; great care has been
taken both in public and in private to teach persons the difference between
what is spiritual and what is merely imaginary. I have often warned persons
not to lay the stress of their hope on any ideas of any outward glory, or
any external thing whatsoever, and have met with no opposition in such instructions.
But it is not strange if some weaker persons, in giving an account of their
experiences, have not so prudently distinguished between the spiritual and
imaginary part; of which some who have not been well affected to religion
might take advantage.
There has been much talk in many parts of the country, as though the people
have symbolised with the Quakers, and the Quakers themselves have been moved
with such reports; and some came here, once and again, hoping to find good
waters to fish in, but without the least success, and have left off coming.
There have also been reports spread about the country, as though the first
occasion of so remarkable a concern was an apprehension that the world was
near to an end; which was altogether a false report. Indeed, after this
concern became so general and extraordinary, as related, the minds of some
were filled with speculation what so great a dispensation of Divine Providence
might forbode; and some reports were heard from abroad, as though certain
divines and others thought the conflagration was nigh; but such reports
were never generally looked upon worthy of notice.
The work which has now been wrought on souls, is evidently the same that
was wrought in my venerable predecessor's days; as I have had abundant opportunity
to know, having been in the ministry here two years with him, and so conversed
with a considerable number whom my grandfather thought to be savingly converted
at that time; and having been particularly acquainted with the experiences
of many who were converted under his ministry before. And I know no one
of them, who in the least doubts of its being the same Spirit and the same
work. Persons have now no otherwise been subject to impressions on their
imaginations than formerly: the work is of the same nature, and has not
been attended with any extraordinary circumstances, excepting such as are
analogous to the extraordinary degree of it before described. And God's
people who were formerly converted have now partaken of the same shower
of divine blessing - in the renewing, strengthening, edifying, influences
of the Spirit of God - that others have in His converting influences; and
the work here has also been plainly the same with that of other places which
have been mentioned, as partaking of the same blessing. I have particularly
conversed with persons about their experiences, who belong to all parts
of the country, and in various parts of Connecticut, where a religious concern
has lately appeared; and have been informed of the experiences of many others
by their own pastors.
It is easily perceived by the foregoing account, that it is very much the
practice of the people here, to converse freely one with another about their
spiritual experiences; which many have been disgusted at. But however our
people may have, in some respects, gone to extremes in it, it is, doubtless,
a practice that the circumstances of this town, and neighbouring towns,
have naturally led them into. Whatsoever people have their minds engaged
to such a degree in the same affair, that it is ever uppermost in their
thoughts, they will naturally make it the subject of conversation when they
get together, in which they will grow more and more free. Restraints will
soon vanish, and they will not conceal from one another what they meet with.
And it has been a practice which, in the general, has been attended with
many good effects, and what God has greatly blessed amongst us: but it must
be confessed, there may have been some ill consequences of it; which yet
are rather to be laid to the indiscreet management of it than to the practice
itself; and none can wonder, if among such a multitude some fail of exercising
so much prudence in choosing the time, manner, and occasion of such discourse,
as is desirable.
Many continue a long time in a course of gracious exercises and experiences,
and do not think themselves to be converted, but conclude otherwise; and
none knows how long they would continue so, were they not helped by particular
instructions. There are undoubted instances of some who have lived in this
way for many years together; and these circumstances had various consequences,
with various persons, and with the same persons, at various times. Some
continue in great encouragement and hope, that they shall obtain mercy in
a steadfast resolution to persevere in seeking it, and in an humble waiting
in it before God. But very often, when the lively sense of the sufficiency
of Christ and the riches of divine grace, begins to vanish, upon a withdrawment
of divine influences, they return to greater distress than ever. For they
have now a far greater sense of the misery of a natural condition than before,
being in a new manner sensible of the reality of eternal things, the greatness
of God, His excellency, and how dreadful it is to be separated from Him,
and to be subject to His wrath; so that they are sometimes swallowed up
with darkness and amazement. Satan has a vast advantage in such cases to
ply them with various temptations, which he is not wont to neglect: in such
a case, persons very much need a guide to lead them to an understanding
of what we are taught in the word of God concerning the nature of grace,
and to help them to apply it to themselves.
I have been much blamed and censured by many, that I should make it my practice,
when I have been satisfied concerning persons' good estate, to signify it
to them. This has been greatly misrepresented abroad, as innumerable other
things concerning us, to prejudice the country against the whole affair.
But let it be noted, that what I have undertaken to judge of, has rather
been qualifications, and declared experiences, than persons. Not but that
I have thought it my duty, as a pastor, to assist and instruct persons in
applying Scripture-rules and characters to their own case (in which, I think,
many greatly need a guide); and I have, where the case appeared plain, used
freedom in signifying my hope of them to others. But I have been far from
doing this concerning all that I have had some hopes of; and I believe have
used much more caution than many have supposed. Yet I should account it
a great calamity to be deprived of the comfort of rejoicing with those of
my flock who have been in great distress, whose circumstances I have been
acquainted with, when there seems to be good evidence that those who were
dead are alive, and that those who were lost are found. I am sensible the
practice would have been safer in the hands of one of a riper judgment and
greater experience: but yet, there seemed to be an absolute necessity of
it on the forementioned accounts; and it has been found what God has most
remarkably owned and blessed amongst us, both to the persons themselves,
and to others.
Grace in many persons, through this ignorance of their state, and their
looking on themselves still as the objects of God's displeasure, has been
like the trees in winter, or like seed in the spring suppressed under a
hard clod of earth. Many in such cases have labored to their utmost to divert
their minds from the pleasing and joyful views they have had, and to suppress
those consolations and gracious affections that arose thereupon. And when
it has once come into their minds to inquire, whether or not this was not
true grace, they have been much afraid lest they should be deceived with
common illuminations and flashes of affection, and eternally undone with
a false hope. But when they have been better instructed, and so brought
to allow of hope, this has awakened the gracious disposition of their hearts
into life and vigor as the warm beams of the sun in the spring have quickened
the seeds and productions of the earth. Grace being now at liberty, and
cherished with hope, has soon flowed out to their abundant satisfaction
and increase.
There is no one thing that I know of which God has made such a means of
promoting His work amongst us, as the news of others' conversion. This has
been owned in awakening sinners, engaging them earnestly to seek the same
blessing, and in quickening saints. Though I have thought that a minister
declaring his judgement about particular persons' experiences, might from
these things be justified; yet I often signify to my people how unable man
is to know another's heart, and how unsafe it is to depend merely on the
judgement of others. I have abundantly insisted, that a manifestation of
sincerity in fruits brought forth, is better than any manifestation they
can make of it in words alone: and that without this, all pretences to spiritual
experiences are vain. This all my congregation can witness. And the people
in general have manifested an extraordinary dread of being deceived; being
exceeding fearful lest they should build wrong. Some of them have been backward
to receive hope, even to a great extreme, which has occasioned me to dwell
longer on this part of the narrative.
Conversion is a great and glorious work of God's power, at once changing
the heart, and infusing life into the dead soul; though the grace then implanted
more gradually displays itself in some than in others. But as to fixing
on the precise time when they put forth the very first act of grace, there
is a great deal of difference in different persons; in some it seems to
be very discernible when the very time was; but others are more at a loss.
In this respect, there are very many who do not know, even when they have
it, that it is the grace of conversion, and sometimes do not think it to
be so till a long time after. Many, even when they come to entertain great
hopes that they are converted, if they remember what they experienced in
the first exercises of grace, they are at a loss whether it was any more
than a common illumination; or whether some other more clear and remarkable
experience which they had afterwards, was not the first of a saving nature.
The manner of God's work on the soul, sometimes especially, is very mysterious;
and it is with the kingdom of God as to its manifestation in the heart of
a convert, as is said, Mark iv. 26, 27, 28, "So is the kingdom of God,
as if a man should cast seed into the ground, and should sleep, and rise
night and day, and the seed should spring and grow up, he knoweth not how;
for the earth bringeth forth fruit of herself, first the blade, then the
ear, after that the full corn in the ear."
In some, converting light is like a glorious brightness suddenly shining
upon a person, and all around him: they are in a remarkable manner brought
out of darkness into marvellous light. In many others it has been like the
dawning of the day, when at first but a little light appears, and it may
be presently hid with a cloud; and then it appears again, and shines a little
brighter, and gradually increases, with intervening darkness, till at length
it breaks forth more clearly from behind the clouds. And many are, doubtless,
ready to date their conversion wrong, throwing by those lesser degrees of
light that appeared at first dawning, and calling some more remarkable experience
they had afterwards, their conversion. This often, in a great measure, arises
from a wrong understanding of what they have always been taught, that conversion
is a great change, wherein old things are done away, and all things become
new, or at least from a false inference from that doctrine.
Persons commonly at first conversion, and afterwards, have had many texts
of Scripture brought to their minds, which are exceeding suitable to their
circumstances, often come with great power, as the word of God or of Christ
indeed; and many have a multitude of sweet invitations, promises, and doxologies
flowing in one after another, bringing great light and comfort with them,
filling the soul brimful, enlarging the heart, and opening the mouth in
religion. And it seems to me necessary to suppose that there is an immediate
influence of the Spirit of God, oftentimes, in bringing texts of Scripture
to the mind. Not that I suppose it is done in a way of immediate revelation,
without any use of the memory; but yet there seems plainly to be an immediate
and extraordinary influence, in leading their thoughts to such and such
passages of Scripture, and exciting them in the memory. Indeed in some,
God seems to bring texts of Scripture to their minds no otherwise than by
leading them into such frames and meditations as harmonise with those Scriptures;
but in many persons there seems to be something more than this.
Those who, while under legal convictions, have had the greatest terrors,
have not always obtained the greatest light and comfort; nor have they always
light most suddenly communicated; but yet, I think, the time of conversion
has generally been most sensible in such persons. Oftentimes, the first
sensible change after the extremity of terrors, is a calmness, and then
the light gradually comes in; small glimpses at first, after their midnight
darkness, and a word or two of comfort, as it were softly spoken to them.
They have a little taste of the sweetness of divine grace, and the love
of a Saviour, when terror and distress of conscience begin to be turned
into an humble, meek sense of their own unworthiness before God. There is
felt, inwardly, sometimes a disposition to praise God; and after a little
while the light comes in more clearly and powerfully. But yet, I think,
more frequently, great terrors have been followed with more sudden and great
light and comfort; when the sinner seems to be as it were subdued and brought
to a calm, from a kind of tumult of mind, then God lets in an extraordinary
sense of His great mercy through a Redeemer.
Converting influences very commonly bring an extraordinary conviction of
the reality and certainty of the great things of religion; though in some
this is much greater some time after conversion, than at first. They have
that sight and taste of the divine excellency there is in the gospel, which
is more effectual to convince them than reading many volumes of arguments
without it. It seems to me, that in many instances, when the glory of Christian
truths has been set before persons, and they have at the same time as it
were seen, and tasted, and felt the divinity of them, they have been as
far from doubting their truth as they are from doubting whether there be
a sun, when their eyes are open in the midst of a clear hemisphere, and
the strong blaze of His light overcomes all objections. And yet, many of
them, if we should ask them why they believed those things to be true, would
not be able well to express or communicate a sufficient reason to satisfy
the inquirer; and perhaps would make no other answer but that they see Him
to be true. But a person might soon be satisfied, by a particular conversation
with them, that what they mean by such an answer is, that they have intuitively
beheld, and immediately felt, most illustrious and powerful evidence of
divinity in them.
Some are thus convinced of the truth of the gospel in general, and that
the Scriptures are the word of God: others have their minds more especially
fixed on some particular great doctrine of the gospel, some particular truths
that they are meditating on, or reading of, in some portion of Scripture.
Some have such convictions in a much more remarkable manner than others:
and there are some who never had such a special sense of the certainty of
divine things impressed upon them, with such inward evidence and strength,
have yet have very clear exercises of grace; i.e. of love to God, repentance,
and holiness. And if they be more particularly examined, they appear plainly
to have an inward firm persuasion of the reality of divine things, such
as they did not use to have before their conversion. And those who have
the most clear discoveries of divine truth in the manner that has been mentioned,
cannot have this always in view. When the sense and relish of the divine
excellency of these things fades, on a withdrawment of the Spirit of God,
they have not the medium of the conviction of their truth at command. In
a dull frame, they cannot recall the idea and inward sense they had, perfectly
to mind; things appear very dim to what they did before. And though there
still remains an habitual strong persuasion; yet not so as to exclude temptations
to unbelief, and all possibility of doubting. But then, at particular times,
by God's help, the same sense of things revives again, like fire that lay
hid in ashes. I suppose the grounds of such a conviction of the truth of
divine things to be just and rational; but yet, in some, God makes use of
their own reason much more sensibly than in others. Oftentimes persons have
(so far as could be judged) received the first saving conviction from reasoning
which they have heard from the pulpit; and often in the course of reasoning
they are led into in their own meditations.
The arguments are the same that they have heard hundreds of times; but the
force of the arguments, and their conviction by them, is altogether new;
they come with a new and before unexperienced power. Before, they heard
it was so, and they allowed it to be so; but now they see it to be so indeed.
Things now look exceeding plain to them, and they wonder they did not see
them before.
They are so greatly taken with their new discovery, and things appear so
plain and so rational to them, that they are often at first ready to think
they can convince others; and are apt to engage in talk with every one they
meet with, almost to this end; and when they are disappointed, are ready
to wonder that their reasonings seem to make no more impression.
Many fall under such a mistake as to be ready to doubt of their good estate,
because there was so much use made of their own reason in the convictions
they have received; they are afraid that they have no illumination above
the natural force of their own faculties: and many make that an objection
against the spirituality of their convictions, that it is so easy to see
things as they now see them. They have often heard, that conversion is a
work of mighty power, manifesting to the soul what neither man nor angel
can give such a conviction of; but it seems to them that these things are
so plain and easy, and rational, that any body can see them. If they are
asked, why they never saw thus before, they say, it seems to them it was
because they never thought of it. But very often these difficulties are
soon removed by those of another nature; for when God withdraws, they find
themselves as it were blind again, they for the present lose their realizing
sense of those things that looked so plain to them, and, by all they can
do, they cannot recover it, till God renews the influence of His Spirit.
Persons after their conversion often speak of religious things as seeming
new to them; that preaching is a new thing; that it seems to them they never
heard preaching before; that the Bible is a new book: they find there new
chapters, new psalms, new histories, because they see them in a new light.
Here was a remarkable instance of an aged woman, of about seventy years,
who had spent most of her days under Mr. Stoddard's powerful ministry. Reading
in the New Testament concerning Christ's sufferings for sinners, she seemed
to be astonished at what she read, as what was real and very wonderful,
but quite new to her. At first, before she had time to turn her thoughts,
she wondered within herself, that she had never heard of it before; but
then immediately recollected herself, and thought she had often heard of
it, and read it, but never till now saw it as real. She then cast in her
mind how wonderful this was, that the Son of God should undergo such things
for sinners, and how she had spent her time in ungratefully sinning against
so good a God, and such a Savior; though she was a person, apparently, of
a very blameless and inoffensive life. And she was so overcome by those
considerations that her nature was ready to fail under them: those who were
about her, and knew not what was the matter, were surprised, and thought
she was dying.
Many have spoken much of their hearts being drawn out in love to God and
Christ; and of their minds being wrapt up in delightful contemplation of
the glory and wonderful grace of God, the excellency and dying love of Jesus
Christ; and of their souls going forth in longing desires after God and
Christ. Several of our young children have expressed much of this; and have
manifested a willingness to leave father and mother and all things in the
world, to go and be with Christ; some persons having had such longing desires
after Christ, or which have risen to such degree, as to take away their
natural strength. Some have been so overcome with a sense of the dying love
of Christ to such poor, wretched, and unworthy creatures, as to weaken the
body. Several persons have had so great a sense of the glory of God, and
excellency of Christ, that nature and life seemed almost to sink under it;
and in all probability, if God had showed them a little more of Himself,
it would have dissolved their frame. I have seen some, and conversed with
them in such frames, who have certainly been perfectly sober, and very remote
from any thing like enthusiastic wildness. And they have talked, when able
to speak, of the glory of God's perfections, the wonderfulness of His grace
in Christ, and their own unworthiness, in such a manner as cannot be perfectly
expressed after them. Their sense of their exceeding littleness and vileness,
and their disposition to abase themselves before God, has appeared to be
great in proportion to their light and joy.
Such persons amongst us as have been thus distinguished with the most extraordinary
discoveries, have commonly nowise appeared with the assuming, self-conceited,
and self-sufficient airs of enthusiasts, but exceedingly the contrary. They
are eminent for a spirit of meekness, modesty, self-diffidence, and a low
opinion of themselves. No persons appear so sensible of their need of instruction
and so eager to receive it, as some of them; nor so ready to think others
better than themselves. Those that have been considered as converted amongst
us, have generally manifested a longing to lie low and in the dust before
God; withal complaining of their not being able to lie low enough.
They speak much of their sense of excellency in the way of salvation by
free and sovereign grace, through the righteousness of Christ alone; and
how it is with delight that they renounce their own righteousness, and rejoice
in having no account made of it. Many have expressed themselves to this
purpose, that it would lessen the satisfaction they hope for in heaven to
have it by their own righteousness, or in any other way than as bestowed
by free grace, and for Christ's sake alone. They speak much of the inexpressibleness
of what they experience, how their words fail, so that they cannot declare
it. And particularly they speak with exceeding admiration of the superlative
excellency of that pleasure and delight which they sometimes enjoy; how
a little of it is sufficient to pay them for all the pains and trouble they
have gone through in seeking salvation; and how far it exceeds all earthly
pleasures. Some express much of the sense which these spiritual views give
them of the vanity of earthly enjoyments, how mean and worthless all these
things appear to them.
Many, while their minds have been filled with spiritual delights, have as
it were forgot their food; their bodily appetite has failed, while their
minds have been entertained with meat to eat that others knew not of. The
light and comfort which some of them enjoy, give a new relish to their common
blessings, and cause all things about them to appear as it were beautiful,
sweet, and pleasant. All things abroad, the sun, moon, and stars, the clouds
and sky, the heavens and earth, appear as it were with a divine glory and
sweetness upon them. Though this joy includes in it a delightful sense of
the safety of their own state, yet frequently, in times of their highest
spiritual entertainment, this seems not to be the chief object of their
fixed thought and meditation. The supreme attention of their minds is to
the glorious excellencies of God and Christ; and there is very often a ravishing
sense of God's love accompanying a sense of His excellency. They rejoice
in a sense of the faithfulness of God's promises, as they respect the future
eternal enjoyment of Him.
The unparalleled joy that many of them speak of, is what they find when
they are lowest in the dust, emptied most of themselves, and as it were
annihilating themselves before God; when they are nothing, and God is all;
seeing their own unworthiness, depending not at all on themselves, but alone
on Christ, and ascribing all glory to God. Then their souls are most in
the enjoyment of satisfying rest; excepting that, at such times, they apprehend
themselves to be not sufficiently self-abased; for then above all times
do they long to be lower. Some speak much of the exquisite sweetness, and
rest of soul, that is to be found in the exercise of resignation to God,
and humble submission to His will. Many express earnest longings of soul
to praise God; but at the same time complain that they cannot praise Him
as they would, and they want to have others help them in praising Him. They
want to have every one praise God, and are ready to call upon every thing
to praise Him. They express a longing desire to live to God's glory, and
to do something to His honor; but at the same time complain of their insufficiency
and barrenness; that they are poor and impotent creatures, can do nothing
of themselves, and are utterly insufficient to glorify their Creator and
Redeemer.
While God was so remarkably present amongst us by His Spirit, there was
no book so delightful as the Bible; especially the Book of Psalms, the Prophecy
of Isaiah, and the New Testament. Some, by reason of their love to God's
word, at times have been wonderfully delighted and affected at the sight
of a Bible; and then, also, there was no time so prized as the Lord's day,
and no place in this world so desired as God's house. Our converts then
remarkably appeared united in dear affection to one another, and many have
expressed much of that spirit of love which they felt toward all mankind;
and particularly to those who had been least friendly to them. Never, I
believe, was so much done in confessing injuries, and making up differences,
as the last year. Persons, after their own conversion, have commonly expressed
an exceeding great desire for the conversion of others. Some have thought
that they should be willing to die for the conversion of any soul, though
of one of the meanest of their fellow-creatures, or of their worst enemies;
and many have, indeed, been in great distress with desires and longings
for it. This work of God had also a good effect to unite the people's affections
much to their minister.
There are some persons whom I have been acquainted with, but more especially
two, that belong to other towns, who have been swallowed up exceedingly
with a sense of the awful greatness and majesty of God; and both of them
told me to this purpose, that if, at the time, they had entertained the
least fear that they were not at peace with this so great a God, they should
certainly have died.
It is worthy to be remarked, that some persons, by their conversion, seem
to be greatly helped as to their doctrinal notions of religion. It was particularly
remarkable in one, who, having been taken captive in his childhood, was
trained up m Canada in the popish religion. Some years since he returned
to this his native place, and was in a measure brought off from popery;
but seemed very awkward and dull in receiving any clear notion of the Protestant
scheme till he was converted; and then he was remarkably altered in this
respect.
There is a vast difference, as observed, in the degree, and also in the
particular manner, of persons' experiences, both at and after conversion;
some have grace working more sensibly in one way, others in another. Some
speak more fully of a conviction of the justice of God in their condemnation;
others, more of their consenting to the way of salvation by Christ; and
some, more of the actings of love to God and Christ. Some more of acts of
affiance, in a sweet and assured conviction of the truth and faithfulness
of God in His promises; others, more of their choosing and resting in God
as their whole and everlasting portion; and of their ardent and longing
desire after God, to have communion with Him; and others, more of their
abhorrence to themselves for their past sins, and earnest longings to live
to God's glory for the time to come. But it seems evidently to be the same
work, the same habitual change wrought in the heart; it all tends the same
way, and to the same end; and it is plainly the same spirit that breathes
and acts in various persons. There is an endless variety in the particular
manner and circumstances in which persons are wrought on; and an opportunity
of seeing so much will show that God is further from confining Himself to
a particular method in His work on souls than some imagine. I believe it
has occasioned some good people amongst us, who were before too ready to
make their own experience a rule to others, to be less censorious and more
extended in their charity; and this is an excellent advantage indeed. The
work of God has been glorious in its variety; it has the more displayed
the manifold and unsearchable wisdom of God, and wrought more charity among
His people.
There is a great difference among those who are converted, as to the degree
of hope and satisfaction they have concerning their own state. Some have
a high degree of satisfaction in this matter almost constantly; and yet
it is rare that any enjoy so full an assurance of their interest in Christ
that self-examination should seem needless to them; unless it be at particular
seasons, while in the actual enjoyment of some great discovery God gives
of His glory and rich grace in Christ, to the drawing forth of extraordinary
acts of grace. But the greater part, as they sometimes fall into dead frames
of spirit, are frequently exercised with scruples and fears concerning their
condition.
They generally have an awful apprehension of the dreadful nature of a false
hope; and there has been observable in most a great caution, lest in giving
an account of their experiences, they should say too much, and use too strong
terms. Many, after they have related their experiences, have been greatly
afflicted with fears, lest they have played the hypocrite, and used stronger
terms than their case would fairly allow of; and yet could not find how
they could correct themselves.
I think the main ground of the doubts and fears that persons after their
conversion have been exercised with about their own state, has been, that
they have found so much corruption remaining in their hearts. At first,
their souls seem to be all alive, their hearts are fixed, and their affections
flowing; they seem to live quite above the world, and meet with but little
difficulty in religious exercises; and they are ready to think it will always
be so. Though they are truly abased under a sense of their vileness, by
reason of former acts of sin, yet they are not then sufficiently sensible,
what corruption still remains in their hearts; and therefore are surprised
when they find that they begin to be in dull and dead frames, troubled with
wandering thoughts at the time of public and private worship, and utterly
unable to keep themselves from them. When they find themselves unaffected,
while yet there is the greatest occasion to be affected; and when they feel
worldly dispositions working in them-pride, envy, stirrings of revenge,
or some ill spirit towards some person that has injured them, as well as
other workings of indwelling sin-their hearts are almost sunk with the disappointment;
and they are ready presently to think that they are mere hypocrites.
They are ready to argue that, if God had indeed done such great things for
them, as they hoped, such ingratitude would be inconsistent with it. They
complain of the hardness and wickedness of their hearts; and say there is
so much corruption, that it seems to them impossible there should be any
goodness there. Many of them seem to be much more sensible how corrupt their
hearts are, than before they were converted; and some have been too ready
to be impressed with fear, that instead of becoming better, they are grown
much worse, and make it an argument against the goodness of their state.
But in truth, the case seems plainly to be, that now they feel the pain
of their own wound; they have a watchful eye upon their hearts, that they
did not use to have. They take more notice of what sin is there, which is
now more burdensome to them; they strive more against it, and feel more
of its strength.
They are somewhat surprised that they should in this respect find themselves
so different from the idea they generally had entertained of godly persons.
For, though grace be indeed of a far more excellent nature than they imagined,
yet those who are godly have much less of it, and much more remaining corruption,
than they thought. They never realised it, that persons were wont to meet
with such difficulties, after they were once converted. When they are thus
exercised with doubts about their state, through the deadness of their frames,
as long as these frames last, they are commonly unable to satisfy themselves
of the truth of their grace, by all their self-examination. When they hear
of the signs of grace laid down for them to try themselves by, they are
often so clouded, that they do not know how to apply them. They hardly know
whether they have such and such things or no, and whether they have experienced
them or not. That which was the sweetest, best, and most distinguishing
in their experiences, they cannot recover a sense of. But on a return of
the influences of the Spirit of God, to revive the lively actings of grace,
the light breaks through the cloud, and doubting and darkness soon vanish
away.
Persons are often revived out of their dead and dark frames by religious
conversation: while they are talking of divine things, or ever they are
aware, their souls are carried away into holy exercises with abundant pleasure.
And oftentimes, while relating their past experiences to their Christian
brethren, they have a sense of them revived, and the same experiences are
in a degree again renewed. Sometimes, while persons are exercised in mind
with several objections against the goodness of their state, they have Scriptures
one after another coming to their minds, to answer their scruples, and unravel
their difficulties, exceedingly apposite and proper to their circumstances.
By these means, their darkness is scattered; and often, before the bestowment
of any new remarkable comfort, especially after long continued deadness
and ill frames, there are renewed humblings, in a great sense of their own
exceeding vileness and unworthiness, as before their first comforts were
bestowed.
Many in the country have entertained a mean thought of this great work,
from what they have heard of impressions made on persons' imaginations.
But there have been exceeding great misrepresentations, and innumerable
false reports, concerning that matter. It is not, that I know of, the profession
or opinion of any one person in the town, that any weight is to be laid
on any thing seen with the bodily eyes. I know the contrary to be a received
and established principle amongst us. I cannot say that there have been
no instances of persons who have been ready to give too much heed to vain
and useless imaginations; but they have been easily corrected, and I conclude
it will not be wondered at, that a congregation should need a guide in such
cases, to assist them in distinguishing wheat from chaff. But such impressions
on the imaginations as have been more usual, seem to me to be plainly no
other than what is to be expected in human nature in such circumstances,
and what is the natural result of the strong exercise of the mind, and impressions
on the heart.
I do not suppose, that they themselves imagine they saw any thing with their
bodily eyes; but only have had within them ideas strongly impressed, and
as it were lively pictures in their minds. For instance, some when in great
terrors, through fear of hell, have had lively ideas of a dreadful furnace.
Some, when their hearts have been strongly impressed, and their affections
greatly moved with a sense of the beauty and excellency of Christ, have
had their imaginations so wrought upon, that, together, with a sense of
His glorious spiritual perfections, there has arisen in the mind an idea
of One of glorious majesty, and of a sweet and gracious aspect. Some, when
they have been greatly affected with Christ's death, have at the same time
a lively idea of Christ hanging upon the cross, and His blood running from
His wounds. Surely such things will not be wondered at by them who have
observed how any strong affections about temporal matters will excite lively
ideas and pictures of different things in the mind.
The vigorous exercises of the mind, doubtless, more strongly impress it
with imaginary ideas in some than others, which probably may arise from
the difference of constitution, and seems evidently in some, partly to arise
from their peculiar circumstances. When persons have been exercised with
extreme terrors, and there is a sudden change to light and joy, the imagination
seems more susceptive of strong ideas; the inferior powers, and even the
frame of the body, are much more affected, than when the same persons have
as great spiritual light and joy afterwards; of which it might, perhaps,
be easy to give a reason. The forementioned Reverend Messrs. Lord and Owen-who,
I believe, are esteemed persons of learning and discretion where they are
best known-declared, that they found these impressions on persons' imaginations
quite different things from what fame had before represented to them, and
that they were what none need to wonder at-or to that purpose.
There have indeed been some few instances of impressions on persons imaginations,
which have been somewhat mysterious to me, and I have been at a loss about
them. For, though it has been exceeding evident to me, by many things that
appeared both then and afterwards, that they indeed had a greater sense
of the spiritual excellency of divine things accompanying them, yet I have
not been able well to satisfy myself whether their imaginary ideas have
been more than could naturally arise from their spiritual sense of things.
However, I have used the utmost caution in such cases; great care has been
taken both in public and in private to teach persons the difference between
what is spiritual and what is merely imaginary. I have often warned persons
not to lay the stress of their hope on any ideas of any outward glory, or
any external thing whatsoever, and have met with no opposition in such instructions.
But it is not strange if some weaker persons, in giving an account of their
experiences, have not so prudently distinguished between the spiritual and
imaginary part; of which some who have not been well affected to religion
might take advantage.
There has been much talk in many parts of the country, as though the people
have symbolised with the Quakers, and the Quakers themselves have been moved
with such reports; and some came here, once and again, hoping to find good
waters to fish in, but without the least success, and have left off coming.
There have also been reports spread about the country, as though the first
occasion of so remarkable a concern was an apprehension that the world was
near to an end; which was altogether a false report. Indeed, after this
concern became so general and extraordinary, as related, the minds of some
were filled with speculation what so great a dispensation of Divine Providence
might forbode; and some reports were heard from abroad, as though certain
divines and others thought the conflagration was nigh; but such reports
were never generally looked upon worthy of notice.
The work which has now been wrought on souls, is evidently the same that
was wrought in my venerable predecessor's days; as I have had abundant opportunity
to know, having been in the ministry here two years with him, and so conversed
with a considerable number whom my grandfather thought to be savingly converted
at that time; and having been particularly acquainted with the experiences
of many who were converted under his ministry before. And I know no one
of them, who in the least doubts of its being the same Spirit and the same
work. Persons have now no otherwise been subject to impressions on their
imaginations than formerly: the work is of the same nature, and has not
been attended with any extraordinary circumstances, excepting such as are
analogous to the extraordinary degree of it before described. And God's
people who were formerly converted have now partaken of the same shower
of divine blessing-in the renewing, strengthening, edifying, influences
of the Spirit of God-that others have in His converting influences; and
the work here has also been plainly the same with that of other places which
have been mentioned, as partaking of the same blessing. I have particularly
conversed with persons about their experiences, who belong to all parts
of the country, and in various parts of Connecticut, where a religious concern
has lately appeared; and have been informed of the experiences of many others
by their own pastors.
It is easily perceived by the foregoing account, that it is very much the
practice of the people here, to converse freely one with another about their
spiritual experiences; which many have been disgusted at. But however our
people may have, in some respects, gone to extremes in it, it is, doubtless,
a practice that the circumstances of this town, and neighbouring towns,
have naturally led them into. Whatsoever people have their minds engaged
to such a degree in the same affair, that it is ever uppermost in their
thoughts, they will naturally make it the subject of conversation when they
get together, in which they will grow more and more free. Restraints will
soon vanish, and they will not conceal from one another what they meet with.
And it has been a practice which, in the general, has been attended with
many good effects, and what God has greatly blessed amongst us: but it must
be confessed, there may have been some ill consequences of it; which yet
are rather to be laid to the indiscreet management of it than to the practice
itself; and none can wonder, if among such a multitude some fail of exercising
so much prudence in choosing the time, manner, and occasion of such discourse,
as is desirable. |